You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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