Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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