As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
