I wish you could order shots online.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize