bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
