Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
