ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
