i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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