omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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