my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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