i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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