I murdered the dance floor call the cops
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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