Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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