Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
