I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Someone came in the potted fern
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
