Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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