please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
