swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
