I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
