Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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