the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
