Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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