My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
