Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
