Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
