he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
