dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
