The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
