She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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