pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
