Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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