I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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