Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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