I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize