Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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