____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
