how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Don't EVER smell your tampon
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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