Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
