I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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