I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
