just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
