I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
