i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
