The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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