woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize