if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
