You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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