He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
sarcasm needs its own font
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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