When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
