ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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