Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
