i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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