We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
