remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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