My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
