I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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