i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
