how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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