i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
