Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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