He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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