I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
