this boner is exhausting
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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