I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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