i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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