He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
