I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
