New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
