I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
