He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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