shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
