I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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