I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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