My first STD was from a foam party
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
