The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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