HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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