Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
then he tried to convert me to islam
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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