I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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