Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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