We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
