Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize