I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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