I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
