you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
