yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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