addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
