just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
